Progress shared is lost. Progress celebrated is lost. Why? Well, to understand it, we need to take a detour to a study on intrinsic motivation.

There was a study with a bunch of kids. These kids loved drawing. The kids were divided into two groups: A and B. Group A received a golden star for each drawing, while Group B received none. Sure enough, with the golden stars, the group A kids were inspired to draw more, and enjoyment increased.

However, at some point, they stopped receiving stars. The result? They stopped drawing all together.

You, me, your dad, your neighbor, all of us - we’ve all made great plans that initially went smoothly, only to crash horribly some weeks later. Usually, the plan is solid. You may have even really made progress. But it tapered off. You start feeling better, so the suffering that spawned your plan fades, causing you to question if you really need to be so strict.

Recently, I decided to go on a walk in a snowstorm. A big one. All were advised to stay inside. But something in me wanted to walk, to move, to just do something interesting. So I went. And it was cold, the wind was sharp, but for the most part, I enjoyed it. Returning from my walk I noticed an instinct to tell people about it. Nothing serious. No over-the-top bragging. Just sharing. Why? Well, because it would feel good. It might impress the lady I am pursuing, annoy my rivals, and inspire my friends. Who knows. But one thing is for sure - progress would have been lost.

This is one of those ‘life lessons’ that may be hard to transmit, as it mostly just feels correct based on experience. It just clicked today. But I’ll try to explain it and convince you.

First, there is the plain old logical explanation. When the only reward for your efforts is from yourself, you cultivate an intrinsic motivation and remain in the state that got you there in the first place. You stay hungry and lean, so to speak. You don’t fatten up on validation.

Second, it can easily be argued sharing is detrimental to everyone involved. As stated before - sharing your success can easily tamper with your own motivation. But more interestingly, what does it even do for others? Do they gain anything from it? I’ll return to the lover, rival, and friend categories I mentioned earlier.

A lover is more impressed if you venture into a storm without telling anybody than if you boast about it. A man who does cool shit because he likes it is in another dimension than a man who does shit to brag about it. No audience, no hero - women can smell bullshit like that. Be cool. Don’t seem cool.

A rival is more annoyed to catch you walking in the storm - David Goggins style - than to hear you speak about it. Think about it - there’s no argument against it. They can’t claim you are arrogant, a braggart, or self-indulgent. Be better. Don’t seem better.

A friend is more inspired by joining you on a walk than to hear you speak about it. I’ve experienced countless times the same lesson - when you give advice, it is ignored - when they see you follow your own advice, they imitate. Trust me on this. Be inspirational. Don’t try to inspire.

So sharing progress makes lovers suspect you, fuels your rivals, annoys your friends, and kills your motivation. Maybe. It seems so to me. So dear reader, do some tough stuff and tell no one. See what happens.